The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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