someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just invented taco cereal.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
