Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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