shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
