is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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