I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
