My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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