I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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