I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
