so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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