I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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