i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
