he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
