My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
