Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
