i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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