Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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