So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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