evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i love accidental penises.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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