did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
