I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
