i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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