Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
