omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I need water and some morals
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize