I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
