she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm getting married
To pizza
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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