I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
