I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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