I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
