I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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