Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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