Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
