I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
