You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize