He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
