I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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