I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
