just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
