Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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