paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
