I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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