I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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