Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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