I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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