I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
