Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
