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• (424): View more from California

  I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  youre welcome

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  sounds about right

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom

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• (805): View more from California

  It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.

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• (315): View more from New York

  We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  we've talked on the toilet we're linked now

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