The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
