is your mom at the bar?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
