his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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