i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
