I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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