Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
