Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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