dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
