you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
