Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
