Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
