I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
