I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
vagina is talking i cant
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
