when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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