he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
