i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
