ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
