Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
