I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
