come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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