i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ladies don't puke and tell
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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