it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
