The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize