i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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