how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
